The Craziness of Haruhi Suzumiya
by Kyon-Is-Haruhi's-Slave00
Summary: random stories made by me for uber pwnage. lots of OOC when i feel like it, and may turn to M if needed. FLAMES WELCOME!
1. a random story and the beginning

It was a relatively normal day in the brigade room. Kyon and Koizumi were playing Othello. Asahina-San was making tea. Nagato was reading. And Haruhi was….

"BOOOM HEADSHOT!!!!!"

…playing counter strike. After about five minutes of this, Kyon got up and punched Koizumi in the face.

"THAT'S FOR ACTING GAY!!!! STOP BEING SO GOD DAMN AMBIGUOUS ALL THE TIME AND DECIDE WEATHER YOU'RE GAY OR NOT!!!"

Koizumi just sat there smiling. Asahina walked over to him and checked his pulse. It was at this point that Haruhi pulled out a shotgun from thin air and…..

"BOOOM HEADSHOT!!!"

….well it's kinda obvious, isn't it? Then Taniguchi walked in the door.

" Wa wa wa wasure mono. Oreno wasure…" he then noticed the smoking gun in Haruhi's hands and turned to run. Haruhi ran after him out of the club room. Asahina was still freaking out about this because some guys face was just essentially blown to hell. And she was in love with him so she jumped out of the window and her guts flew everywhere where she landed. In the distance there was a gunshot and then ……

"BOOOM HEADSHOT!!!!"

It was at this point that Kyon decided to go and fight Haruhi, mostly for survival purposes. Then they both shot each other in the face.

Yuki was finished reading her book, and when she went out to see the dead bodies of Haruhi and Kyon, she said one word…..

"Headshot…"

* * *

Kyon: was that really your story?

Key: Hell no. but it was funny and in my head thanks to another writer named Sonicthe32X.

Kyon: So what's the real story about?

Key: You'll see. Can you do the disclaimer?

Kyon: keyblader1991 does not own Haruhi Suzumiya. Nor is he affiliated with Kyoto animation, or anything important.

Key: Have fun!

* * *

It was relatively quiet in the brigade room today. Miss Asahina was working in the brigade's supposed "kitchen". Her tea could've been world famous as well as herself. Meanwhile Nagato was going through yet another book that in all likely-hood I would never pick up. Koizumi and I were playing poker, and I was starting to regret not bringing money. At this point, I was merely counting the seconds until…..

"YAHOO!!!"

At this point you would think I would've gotten used to all of her crazy ideas, but I still get this bad chill down my spine whenever she even has that look in her eyes. And this time was no different.

"ATTENTION BRIGADE MEMBERS!!!!"

"What crazy idea do you have for us this time?" I really hoped it was something that wouldn't kill me.

"Shut up, Kyon. Anyway, we're going to start a BAND!!!" Wow. She actually had a normal idea. Albeit, out of reach, but still normal.

"And how exactly do you plan on doing that? I mean, as far as we know; only you and Nagato can play an instrument." I thought I had her cornered there.

"Baka Kyon. Koizumi can play keyboards, and Mikuru just needs a tambourine. And we can just have auditions for the other parts." It was at this point I realized what my job in the band was going to be. "You can be our roadie!" If I was with a group of normal people this would be the point where I would quit, and leave the room. Unfortunately these aren't any normal people so I'm just gonna suck it up and sigh.

(two days later during auditions)

In a series of different advertising campaigns (thankfully not resulting in us getting arrested), we arrive to the audition day. Since I knew there would be drummers trying out I decided to bring the set I had in the attic. Do not ask how I knew it was there; just know it took a lot of lifting up that god forsaken hill, especially since it's a double bass setup. And if you've ever carried a drum set anywhere, you'd know that a bass drum is heavy.

It seemed the advertising worked better than expected, mostly because there was a line out the door with people trying out. To make this short let's just say most of them were okay. Not completely terrible or superstar quality. I also gave my opinions not that they mattered much to Haruhi. So in the end this was the list of people in our band with respective instruments.

Haruhi Suzumiya - Lead vocalist, guitarist and ultra band manager

Yuki Nagato – Lead Guitarist

Itsuki Koizumi - Lead keyboards

Mikuru Asahina – moe character

Taniguchi – Bass and male vocals

Kunkida – mixer and synth

Tsuruya-san – backup vocals

Kyon – roadie

Drums still open

At the end of the auditions, we still hadn't found a drummer. So we decided to have another audition just for drummers. After everyone left I sat behind the drums which brought back memories of a time when I tried being in a band. Drums came pretty naturally to me back then so I wondered if I still had it in me. I found a pair of sticks, put on my headphones, and closed my eyes. I wasn't really surprised to find I still had my skills especially for the song I was playing. It was a power metal song; one that I hadn't heard for a while. Starting off with the cymbals crashing, leading into the bass beat, and adding in everything else, all made for a powerful combo. I normally would've paid attention to the door behind me, but I was having too much fun reminiscing about my old middle school metal band. After ending with a good drum solo I figured I should start heading home. Little did I know that someone was watching.

The next day I trudged up that steep hill. At least I wasn't carrying equipment up today. I was about halfway up the hill when I got smacked in the back by none other than Taniguchi himself.

"So we're startin' a band man. This should be awesome!" Wait for it. "and there'll be so many girls!!" Will he ever change? Eventually he ran over to talk to Kunkida, and I continued my trek up the hill.

I finally walked into the classroom. Haruhi looked at me with that classic glint in her eye, which never means anything good for me. Luckily she waited until I was in my seat when she asked,

"So how come you didn't say you could play drums?"

* * *

Key: So that the first chapter.

Kyon: I didn't know I could play drums.

Key: You can't.

Kyon: …oh

Key: anyone interested in what song he listened to while playing just needs to look up Koi no Minoru Densetsu -Kanzenban- on y-ut-be. oh and feel absolutely free to flame i find flames hilarious


	2. more randomness with me too

Key: Well my first idea was a load of crap.

Kyon: Don't need to tell me twice.

Key: (smashes Kyon's face in) so I'm going with the random story thing and in fact calling the last story a prologue or maybe this will be a boredom story. Now anyway in my intros now is Miss Yuki Nagato because I like her better.

Yuki: …..

Key: see I like her better already, now can you do the disclaimer?

Yuki: Keyblader1991 does not own the Melancholy Of Haruhi Suzumiya, or the SOS brigade.

Key: W00T!!

So it was a very warm Tuesday in the brigade room.

"At least we're not in Arizona." ….Wait, Kyon, you can hear me?

"It's kinda hard not to." Shut up, Koizumi!!! I don't need your philosophical crap…or any of it for that matter. In fact let's do what I did last time. Haruhi, if you could. Haruhi pulled out a shotgun and shot Koizumi in the head.

"BOOM HEADSHOT!!!" You know to make things easier for us all, how's about I put myself in the story so I'm the only one who can hear myself.

"Yeah, that might work."

"Sure."

"Why not?"

"…" Just then a student walked into the brigade room. A mysterious transfer student in fact.

"Hi, I'm from America and I'm looking for the literature club?" This new student was in fact myself and I will be narrating from his point of view.

"Screw the literature club and WELCOME TO THE SOS BRIGADE!!!! WHAT"S YOUR NAME?" Haruhi was really scary up close.

"….M-m-my name's Jason but everyone calls me Key." Well they also call me brisket but that's another story.

"Ah, so your names Key? It's weird. YOU'RE IN!!!" If I knew what I was getting into, I would've turned around right there.

"Do you have any special skills?" Special skills? Doesn't the interview go before hiring someone?

"Well, I can play several instruments, I've dabbled in philosophy, I own several anime weapon replicas, and I'm a decent shot. I also tend to write some fanfics, If I'm bored enough." And I control the universe, but we don't need to say anything about that. "So, if you don't mind my asking…. WHAT THE HELL IS AN SOS BRIGADE?!?!" It was at this point I chose to duck because of the lawnmower coming towards my head. "WHAT THE HELL? WAS THAT A LAWNMOWER?!?! WHO IN THE WORLD, CARRIES AROUND A LAWNMOWER?!?!"

"I DO, AND IF YOU QUESTION THE SOS BRIGADE AGAIN I MIGHT DEMOTE YOU BELOW KYON!!!" Wait, I'm already ahead of Kyon?

"WAIT, HE's ALREADY AHEAD OF ME?" Hey, that's my thought don't steal it. Anyway after about an hour of random arguing everything calmed down. I decided to play Kyon in chess. The scores were pretty even. Eventually I got a cup of Mikuru's famous tea. After tasting it, I'd have to say that was one of the funniest spit takes ever. But yeah, her tea tasted like urine.

"WHY THE HELL DOES THIS TASTE LIKE PISS?"

"Because it is." I noticed that my tea cup was still on the table. And when I looked in my hand….well needless to say I was about to throw up.

Key: and that's pointless chapter number two

Yuki: …..

Key: well, anyway if you have any very crappy ideas send them so I can make fun of them by putting them in here and then have them get flamed like nothing else. and if you would like to join….well I'll think about it but really I'm gonna be too busy working on a different story that has to do with cool explody stuff. Anyway peayce.


End file.
